Suffering from our divorce

Q. I am sincerely hoping that you will be able to help my 10-year-old son who is currently in grade five at a primary school and should be preparing for GSAT next year. His father and I are divorced; we got separated just as he was about to enter grade one at six years old. I thought that he was too young at that time to understand what was happening, as he showed no sign at all.

During grades one to three, he was above average in his schoolwork. However, since grade four and now grade five, I have noticed that his grades have been going down. He reads well, but is unable to spell as well as he reads. He will do math today and will get them all correct, but forgets how it is done the next day. I have been sending him to extra classes but I am still not seeing any improvement with his grades. This is really depressing me right now as at times I do get upset with him when I keep explaining and he doesn’t seem to be getting it. His sister, who is attending university, also gets upset at times when she is teaching him. I was surprised when she came home last week and told me that it is possible that the effects of our divorce is just now affecting him.

Can this be possible? Please note that he sees his father only when he happens to pass him on the road. His father has been out of his life since my separation. He is the third of three children.


See what Dr. Orlean Brown-Earle, child psychologist and family therapist tells this parent. Also check out the other queries and don’t forget to leave comments.

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3 Responses to “Suffering from our divorce”

  1. know b4 says:

    It is good that you are helping your child at home and not leaving it all up to the school. U have done well also by giving him extra lessons but you must be patient. It is said that things we are taught when we are children we don’t learn them until we are in our twenties. Most of what we do at school are not things we do in our every day life. Education for the most part is outdated or behind the real world. Most things are learnt when they are applied and if he cannot apply what he is doing in school, in real life that can be the problem. I don’t think anything is wrong with your son. I just think you are expecting him to measure up to your daughter & other kids. stop pressuring him and see what other things he does better like sports, computer etc. My son was like your’s and we discovered that he is good at computers and now he is a pro.

  2. Jakan says:

    Extra lessons may not be the help and may in fact be the problem. This sounds like he needs the help of a learning strategist and most of all he DOES NOT NEED “UPSET” behaviour from mom and big sister. That may be more harmful than anything else. He needs your support

    By the way, dad is a creep for abandoning his son like that ( I leave it up to the counsellor to give advice on that-divorce and its effect on the youngster)

  3. Truth says:

    We are only hearing one side of the story and as usual there are people ready to blame a man for the problems that seem to be facing this child. The kid might just be slow learner for now. Try to get a professional assessment before following what people have to say. Stop blaming dad for a problem that you or I or his mother or sister dont even know about. Mother, get your child properly accessed and stop wallowing in pity.

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3 comments so far
kimesha Posted by: kimesha December 16, 2009 at 9:56 am