Changing our Culture – Weddings
In this time of worldwide recession we are being forced to change our way of life in order to survive. There are some areas which we find hard to change because they have become part of our culture and one of those areas is weddings.
It is not unusual these days to see a couple spending a small fortune on their wedding. There are the invitations, the wedding and bridal dresses, the location, the flowers and of course the food for our 200 “closest friends”. It is easy to run up significant amounts of debt in an effort to make that day special. It is also true that many marriages are over before the debt incurred has been repaid. Consider also that in many cases the couple has no home of their own and either moves in with parents or has to rent a house.
It is important that we maintain a balance in all that we do and that includes a wedding.
There are several suggestions that we can consider when planning our wedding. The first is whether or not to have a formal wedding or to have instead a civil ceremony. The money that is saved could be used as a down payment on a house and as a young married couple what could be more important than that. Perhaps for some of us that suggestion is too drastic and we want to have a ceremony, consider having it at a church or at someone’s house which will be much cheaper than renting a location. If the place has a nice garden then it will also reduce the number of flowers that one has to buy.
Another suggestion to consider is to have a ceremony but no reception. Catering for a large group of persons can be very expensive especially for persons with large families. The beauty of this idea is that all relatives and friends can be invited to the wedding without having to offend anyone who was not invited. A variation on this theme is to have a simple reception at which guests receive a drink and a slice of cake. You can still have your toasts and offer your congratulations without the added expense.
Other suggestions are to do your own invitations on the computer for which you can choose your own pictures and words and to do away with an elaborate wedding dress and wear instead an elegant regular dress.
The aim here is to encourage persons to work within a budget, to spend only what they can afford and to change their priorities. At the end of the day my experience is that most persons enjoyed the wedding not because of the food or location but because they were there to share in the occasion.
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I could not agree with you more!!! Spending a lot of money on weddings is also very popular in the USA, where I live. A lot of people seem to think that unless they “show off” by having many guests, a lavish buffet, exotic flowers, etc., etc., etc. their wedding isn’t a “real” wedding. American women even measure a man’s love for them by the size of the diamond he purchases for them. I have seen sooo many people spend money they don’t even have for their wedding, and as you said in your article, a lot of these marriages are over before the huge debt is even paid off! I think it’s ridiculous for someone to go into debt because they’re getting married. There is nothing wrong with a small, quaint wedding. If you must have a huge one, then invite the people to the church to see you exchange your vows, but I see nothing wrong with having a BBQ in a nice backyard somewhere, instead of paying for some expensive ball room in a hotel. Let’s all remember, weddings should be from the HEART and should not be measured by how much money someone is spending on the reception or the ring! When I got married many years ago, we only invited about 50 people (mostly family), had the reception in a hall at church, a friend served as our DJ, we had little finger sandwiches, apple cider, a cake, and that was it! My dress was very simple but pretty, I purchased it on sale at a local department store. I didn’t want a traditional wedding dress, instead I opted for a nice ivory colored silk dress that I could wear again. I got this dress on sale for only US$50 and to this day I wear it on special occasions. We also opted for simple gold wedding bands, no diamonds, no frills…let’s face it, the diamond won’t make your marriage last any longer. But, I have to say, I am the type of woman that is not into material things…I can do without gold, diamonds, etc. These things are not important to me…and guess what…our wedding was BEAUTIFUL, but very simple!
I like the idea of not having a reception and just having a church ceremony where you can invite all your friends and families…Lol! I guess it’s the guests that will not be happy with that but hey it’s not their day.
Of course we need to change the way of colonised marriage, we should not be giving the government any money for marriage certificates and all that stuff,we should not be getting these pastors/liars involved in our thing, He told you what god has put together let no man break assunder, he allows you to vow to be together for better or worse until death do you part, later on when the relationship reaches rocky roads honey leaking from the moon and all that he change from his stay together uniform to a devorce one, he now collects two pay checks,one to get you married and the other to get you devorced.High grade robbery.
I fully agree that there should be an alternative to so-called traditional weddings. I am suggesting that folks of African descent go back to their roots, as much a possible.
I do like Igbo traditional marriages. The Igbos do dress in fancy outfits,Nigerian style, drink palm wine,eat a bit of food, blast drums and put on some fancy footworks.
Traditionally, the groom has to pay a bride price to the parents of the bride, but I do believe that that kind of arrangement is worth adopting.
I hear that, depending on the families involved, the bride price could be heavy, but that will not deter me from finding a lovely Igbo lady.
I believe if you can afford it you should do it any way you want!.. but one should not go into debt to host their wedding just to show off!….
To me a lavish wedding with out real love make no sense!.. Some people just like the fact that they are married. even if the love is not strong!.. and some just do it for the lavishness!…
but I believe that a wedding should be done in the spirit of love!.. and it should not matter if you have 10 guest or 10,000 guest. love should be what counts!..