Blog with Flair » Who should pay? : A Jamaica Gleaner Blog

Who should pay?

This debate is a ever raging one but we just had to bring it up. When it comes to a man and a woman going out on a date, who should pick up the tab? We here at Flair have varying views which have been expressed over time. But before we get into what we think, we’re going to tell you about a real occurrence.

Jcan We got wind of this scenario the other day. Here it goes: a guy invited a girl to a party. It was their second time going out. She agreed but told him she would be bringing a friend along. He said it was cool and off they went. There was no cover charge to enter the venue and the trio purchased no beverages while at the event. After the party, seeing that the night was still young, the initiator suggested going to a little watering hole for drinks and conversation. Upon arrival each person ordered a drink and the girl, who is the guy’s romantic interest, ordered a serving of fries and wings. Everyone munched on the food, will talking and having their drinks. When the waitress came around to take an order for a second round of drinks, the romantic interest passed on ordering a second, her friend took a refill.
The young man eventually asked for the bill and the waitresses announced that the bill was $1,700. The young man asked, “So how are we going to split this?” The female friend didn’t hear but when he repeated the question, the romantic interest immediately took out a thousand dollar bill and placed it on the table. The guy then said, “I only have my card.” He used the card to pay the bill and pocketed the money.

Generally we don’t agree with this. One view, expressed by a male and female, is that a man especially, if he invited the woman out, should pay the bill. This they also believe goes for a platonic relationship.
The other view, expressed by some women, is that nothing is wrong with splitting the bill between platonic friends, however, if a person, and note that word person, that means man or woman, is invited out on a romantic date, the person who made the offer should pick up the bill.

That should be the basic protocol unless there is a discussion about extenuating circumstances and an agreement is reached. We are not supporting any ‘boopsing out’ around here. You know those people who order what they would never buy for themselves just because someone else is paying.
Neither does this view support the invited party bringing an entourage with him or her. However, if the initiator agrees to the invited taking a guest , then the initiator should foot the charges. The third party is then given the opportunity to offer to pay for his/her portion and then the initiator gets the opportunity to decide what he/she wants to do with that offer.
But in no case should the invited come up out of his/her pocket. That’s just what I think what do you think? Who should pay?

Tags: bill, pay, protocol, romantic interest

Older Entries

Newer Entries

The opinions on this page do not necessarily reflect the views of The Gleaner.
The Gleaner reserves the right not to publish comments that may be deemed libelous, derogatory or indecent.
To respond to The Gleaner please use the feedback form.

11 Responses to “Who should pay?”

Ommugabe says:

June 26, 2009 at 4:12 pm

Seems commonsensical; if you invite someone out, you are automatically accepting responsibility to ‘look out for’ the someone, yes?

If the host is unable to fulfill this basic responsibility, then he should say so up front; so that everyone knows his capacity to fulfill his responsiblity.

Otherwise we can have a situation in which the ‘invitee’ is forced to incur expenses that she might not have been prepared to make. That would be dastardly, to force your guest to inconvenience herself.

To be on the safe side, the invitee can avoid incurring debt by not ordering anything for herself.
Low the ‘inviter’ to do all the ordering according to his ability to pay.

If the invitee is to bring a friend, then the invitee becomes responsible for the friend, even if the inviter does not mind the ‘extra company’/extra pleasure later. wink wink!
Faro says:

June 26, 2009 at 4:47 pm

Well, well here we go again. I honestly think that this whole man getting the tab has been somewhat over still goes as most of these so called independent women as just independent conveniently. I have gone out with a few of these ‘independent woman’ and some of these ‘ghetto girls’ and surprisingly it’s the latter who offers me a drink even before I can offer. So it really goes to show. However, I will not stereotype them minority/majority of these independent woman.
Frankly, I think that this is a really complexed one to call. Say for instance I’m going out with a woman I find interesting, there’s no way I would really feel comfortable with her footing the tab. On the other hand if I’m low on funds, she and I want to go out then she should not have a problem with footing the bill, given prior notice of course.
In essence I think that this is really scenario based and as such this topic should be really left to the scenario and the individuals involved. Too much varible to make a reasonable call.

Buying out,

Faro.
uncensored_mind says:

June 26, 2009 at 7:22 pm

personally, i believe that the person who initiated should pay. i also think its ok for the bill to be split. but i think it boils down to the relationship between the people. in a romantic relationship there is nothing wrong with alternating which party pays. i also dont think there is anything wrong with the initiator paying … even though some girls do believe that their man should always foot the bill.

for platonic outings, i think each person should pay for themselves!!! if its a group thing then its best to agree beforehand if there will be separate bills or if the tab will be equally shared. if someone has romantic interest in someone they invited out for said romantic purpose, then the interested party (initiator) should pay. in any case, i think its always polite to offer to pay even a part of the tab and let the other person refuse. that way, if they werent sure of the “rules” of paying then they’d have another option and probably feel a bit less uncomfortable about what to do and they’d also be surprised by and appreciative of the consideration being given to them.
Yani says:

June 26, 2009 at 7:26 pm

I think it goes without saying that the man should pay once he’s the one who has extended the invitation.

In this situation, the guys was just being a cheap punk. $1700? Oh please, ridiculous. If it was more like $17, 000, I could understand splitting the bill… Darn cheap.
Larson says:

June 28, 2009 at 9:06 am

Naturally the invited is expected to pay as it would commonsensically seem like he/she is up to treating.With that said, some invited party normally use this opportunity to demand which venue they want to go and what type and quantity they want to consume,even if they didnt normally have same when they are treating themselves. However I dont see anything wrong with splitting but if that is the intention then it should be highlighted.
On the other hand there are those who are “hell bent” on impressing by making offers they know their pocket cant afford,IF YOU CAN ONLY AFFORD SMIRNOFF ICE DONT OFFER HYPNOTIC.
Where taking extra persons are concerned, a lot of invited parties use it as an opportunity to look cool,PLEASE DONT BRING UP TOWN AND PARADE JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT AN INVITATION. Discuss it with the your host and if its not ok with him or her it simple means it cannot be afforded or an extra person is an intrusion.
Kevin C says:

June 29, 2009 at 10:01 am

Personally I think the male should pay, if he is in the position to do so. It would be easier if the female shared in on the responsibilities at the onset of the future relationship. Who know what is to come.
The One says:

June 30, 2009 at 3:06 pm

The man should pay at all times, invitor or not.
Females should be treated to the best things in life, thats y we men are here.

No disrespect, but i think it is very bad for a man to make the lady pay.

My thoughts!!!
BOB says:

July 1, 2009 at 3:44 pm

WELL WELL!.. THINGS AND TIME HAS CHANGED!
I LEARN THIS 21 YEARS AGO!… THAT WHEN YOU INVITE SOME ONE OUR , YOU SHOULD BE PREPARED TO PAY YOUR HALF!… THAT’S THE KIND OF REAL WORLD I AM LIVING IN!
WE JAMAICANS LOVE TOO MUCH FREE BEES!… THERE IS NOTHING FOR NOTHING IN THIS WORLD ANY MORE!… EVERY BODY HAVE TO WORK FOR WHAT THEY GOT ! SOME WAY OR ANOTHER!… SO LADIES GET OVER IT!… EVEN IF THE MAN PAY’S YOU MUST ALWAYS BE PREPARED TO PAY YOUR SHARE!…

SOME ONE INVITE YOU OUT! THEY NEVER SAY I WILL PAY!… THERE IS A DIFFERENCE THERE!.. IF SOME ONE SAID LET ME TAKE YOU TO DINNER OR ANY WHERE FOR THAT MATTER ! GET IT STRAIGHT BEFORE YOU ACCEPT. WHO IS GOING TO PAY!….
bob says:

July 3, 2009 at 3:31 am

If a man wants to call himself a man then he should fit the bill at all time. Any man let a woman foot the bill he is not a man…. sorry, but this is how life should be.
notme says:

July 6, 2009 at 6:00 am

“She agreed but TOLD him she would be bringing a friend along.”

Although the guy agreed, if this woman has any conscience – which, increasingly, many Jamaican woman seem not to have – SHE should pay for her “come-along”. Full Stop. And she should have said so up-front.

Some men would say the guy must still pay, but such men may be trying to impress. And some may have other motives for paying.

SECOND, times are changing and women are changing – indeed, HAVE CHANGED many of the rules. Many assert their independence and equality. So, when a guy invites a woman to a party, the sensible woman should ask, then and there, whether he is footing the bill or not.

As old people would say: “Question man cyaan los’ pass” (If you ask questions, you won’t go wrong).
real woman says:

July 6, 2009 at 12:59 pm

I think that whoever is the inviter should pay but this should be established and agreed upon in advance. This should only apply in the case of romantic interest, if the relationship is platonic then both parties should pay.
in the past when men were the only bread winners men were expected to take care of all the financial aspects of the female, but it was the females who rebelled against this culture and became “independent” don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem with this culture as I am also an independent working woman (plus i think some men were abusing the system a bit) but we must be fair, both of us are receiving $100 for our pay I expect you to give me $50 and still want you to pay for everything, and u still call yourself an independent person. selective independence I say. (this is not for females that are not employed)