Is he cheating?
On Sunday one of my girlfriends called me almost in a panic. She had been trying to call her guy from the night before; left messages and now it was almost the end of another day and she had not heard from him. She was not worried that something may have happened to him. Her first question was; ‘Do you thing he’s cheating? I spent all my time trying to convince her he was not. I didn’t have the heart to tell her what was really on my mind-if you have to wonder if he’s cheating then there is something wrong with the relationship.
I know they say all Jamaican men cheat, but I personally think that’s not true. Recently I overheard a friend saying she’s not ‘so audacious to think she’ll have a man all to her self.” I’m sorry but that shows how little she values her self, to be content with sharing. Not all men cheat and if you have to be checking his phone, then chances are there are trust issues in that relationship and its probably best if you end it.
But if you think I’m just being naive, her are some signs that he might be cheating;
- Less sex. Lets face it this is like oxygen for most men. If he’s getting it from another source, you will notice a decrease and it may be a sign that something is wrong in the relationship.
- Ah the good ‘ole’ phone calls. We shouldn’t have to worry about who he’s getting calls from or texting. But when he becomes anxious and protective about his phone calls or texts, that may be a sign that something is not right.
-If he’s unavailable for long periods without a reason, then he may be cheating especially if there is a pattern.
-If you catch him in a lie, its good to forgive but not forget. If he constantly lies about large or small things, this is establishing behavior that cannot be trusted so it maybe your cue to get out.
-Once a cheater always a cheater. I was reading marie claire recently, and it noted that cheating is a self serving act and they are right, its not that his ex didn’t make him happy. If he’s cheated before and your sixth sense (that almost never fails) tells you he’s doing it again he probably is.
However, don’t become uncessarily paranoid and suspicious, this will definately drive him away. But lets get smart. Do you think the above signs are valid grounds that he’s cheating?
Tags: all men cheat, cheating, phone cllas, texts
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22 Responses to “Is he cheating?”
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That is a sure sign! She should go with her gut feeling. Sad to say we live in a society that “enables”, there are so many enablers helping men to be heartless and weak. From the women who “enable” their conduct, to the mothers and brothers who pat them on the back and say “a suh man stay”. The bible did not make an exception for men in matters of fidelity, if they were wired to be anything less then Joseph would not have set such a fine example of moral integrity. The root cause is greed and selfishness, men want more than they can chew and some women because of the same characteristics enable them. The sad thing about it is that, no one wants their mom, sister or aunt to be cheated on, yet they would cheat with someone who thus hurting someones aunt, sister or mom. It does not hurt to be faithful, but there is so much filth that goes into cheating. From becoming a hardened liar, to exposing oneself to numerous STDS, to emotional damages, and the list goes on………Sometimes there is no use to even say these things because man on a whole : “will not change their circustance, until their circumstances changes them” So until they start having medical symptoms, story come to bump……….they will continue.
Sue:
Would you apply the same principles to women that also cheat? Would it be safe to say there is no difference between men and women when it comes to cheating?
CHEATING IS A THING THAT NO BODY WINS!… ONE DAY IT WILL BE REVILED! AND MIGHT BE IN THE WORST WAY! SO ALL CHEATERS BETTER BEWARE!… CHEATING IS LIKE A CLOCK! IT GOES AROUND AND AROUND! …
You abhor cheaters, men are chastised for cheating, but if they cheat it is usually with another woman(heterosexual). Oftentimes these women are cognizant of the fact that these men are married, or otherwise involved. so what is the problem? Why is it called cheating? Reference was made to the bible and Joseph, what happens to the societies where males can have multiple spouses(wives), have you forgotten the fact that we are all animals, and the theory of ‘Survival of the Fittest’ still prevails; and if we want our genes to survive we need to procreate, and with as many partners as possible.
We are thinking creatures none the less, and should show some control in our actions… This argument has many different facets, it can be approached from many different angles, but be careful how you judge, lest you be judged.
We can’t plant corn and expect peas right, so yes Bob the way we live comes back to us. Ed, yes it does not matter whether it is a man or woman the motive goes back to selfishness and greed. So I apply the same principles to women too. Being vulnerable does not excuse cheating either. As an example, no matter how hard times get, some people will never steal and it is not that they are special, it is their inner character that refuses to “excuse” an act of stealing because of hard times. There are many steps both women and men can take to prevent cheating, even if they are prone.
The society has sold us the idea that this is how men are. The media also glorifies that image and so to be faithful is considered odd.
A monogamous relationship is not boring, and the media can help by presenting such relationships in a positive light.We can fix our relationships the same way we assess and fix our material treasures, sounds like hard work eh…………..maybe that is what the men are running from (joking)……….the returns though are priceless!
i agree with Sue that cheating is based in selfishness not so much greed. some people who cheat on their partners get caught up in their unfulfilled needs that they latch on to anyone who can provide reprieve. the ideal approach would have been to try to get help from their significant other or if not possible … end the relationship. but for whatever reason some people hold on to both relationships as their fulfillment is coming from two sides.
i dont believe all men cheat. but i do think men and women have been brainwashed into thinking its inevitable. so women have insecurities and trust issues and expect it (rather than deem it unacceptable); while men think its whats expected of them … so a screw up or two isnt a big deal. i suppose when people stop thinking like that fidelity wont seem like such a rarity. it will be a “must-have” rather than a “nice to have”.
i dont think every man or woman is prone to cheat. i believe we can carry on monogamous unions but i dont think people communicate effectively enough for that to happen. some are too fearful or getting attached … some people are too scared to voice their needs. and then i think you have the people who dont really value relationships. some thing its ok to be with someone for their material wealth and when they find someone they “love” … that its ok to have both.
Lovely points unscensored! You have actually helped to add to the greed fraction of cheating. When you said :
“but for whatever reason some people hold on to both relationships as their fulfillment is coming from two sides”
There are many men that have a good thing going, one at home cooking, cleaning,and keeping him looking well, while the “other” or “others” can be his toys for fun and adventure. There is sexual and material greed in these relationships and while not the main issue often times it becomes part of the equation. Men cheat for different reasons, and it would surprise some to know that some do it simply because, they can. Society says that he can…………..
i see ur point about the greed. and i most definitely agree that some people (men and women) cheat because they can. i wont add any fuel to the debate of which sex has the higher propensity to cheat or what the reasons may be, but cheating has seem to just become a mainstream part of life. its not done discreetly. its like a fashion statement!!!
people have reasons for their indiscretion … the worst of which is doing it because they can. dare i say, no one wants to be cheated on but its made acceptable. men are expected to do it … and its thought that women are just better at not getting caught.
somehow, people will have to start rejecting the things they dont want in their lives rather than excusing it by saying its expected. it may be “expected” but you dont have to agree with it.
I just love cheating!! I love the experience of meeting new women consummate the relationship . All women are different and I love the variety. I was born to cheat and will always cheat. Plus there are a plethora of women available and are willing participants in the game, so I’m just availing myself. Women are God’s gift to men and vice versa. Maybe I’m naïve, but it’s pure honest fun.
Let the cheating continues.
ed one day your actions will catch up with you and we will see how much u like cheating then.
maybe u are naive ….
Ed, I am not going to knock you for your love of being carefree, just make sure that you will be able to stand the future consequences, because it WILL come. How do you know that one day when you meet someone that becomes more than a fling to you, that they will not do to you the same thing (cheat) that you have done to someone else? I do not think mixing DNA with all kinds of persons will do good for ones health either. Some of the cancers that affect the body can be traced to viruses from sexual contact :
(http://www.rdoc.org.uk/hpv.html)
Sue:
I’m I correct in assuming that you have had only had one (or none) relationship in your relatively short life time. The risk, I would think, is equally available to those that do not cheat, but have multiple partners over time, T!! Yes?
Of course you made the assumption that I do not practice safe XXX!
No Ed I did not make the assumption, sorry if you felt that way, because casual sex is never safe, none. A person can have herpes and they are not in the shedding stage but could still infect you, HPV virus can be contracted even with protection because areas around the you know what are still exposed and can be passed on through skin contact.
Here is the HPV website and you would do well to read what it says about men and HPV.
http://www.hpvinfo.ca/hpvinfo/parents/prevention.aspx
As for me Ed, I have only had ONE partner in my life. Virgin marriage at 23 and faithful over 11 years now. As for whatever is out there, I am not missing anything, because I still feel the fire for my hubs and always will.
The reason I am an advocate for marital fidelity is because I had been a victim of infedelity. Now although we have worked through it, I have learnt a lot about men and the selfish, egotistical baggage that they can carry.
Touché Sue!!!
No, the blogging system only checks to make sure I being truthful about my repsonses on the blog. It doesn’t know about the many lies that I have to tell to cover my cheating ways
There is a difference between people who do what is right because it is expected, and people who LOVE what is right. I know it is hard for men to absorb the fact that women can be faithful, but not everyone is greedy and selfish.
you two have had a mighty long discussion going!
it is my belief that cheating wrecks people because it is hurtful. the selfishness and deceit involved is not what most people want in their lives.
Ed, only you can decipher the reasons behind your love for cheating. Each of us has a right to choose our lifestyle … bearing in mind the consequences of course. if this is a lifestyle you dont mind, then i wish you all the best. i could never do what you do (at least not as routinely as you make it sound).
My husband just came back from a 15 day vacation from Jamaica and he had an affair with an old girlfriend. He denies it but all the signs are there. We have 3 children together. She has one child with a married man. My husband may be out on his ass in the next few months. He will have to pay child support, alimony for 7 years to me, I get the house and I get to keep the kids. Due to a few well maybe 6 or 7 minutes of sex, his stable life is over. Was the sex worth it? Maybe when he is in his 50s he can tell his kids that we got divorced because he needed to have a few minutes of pleasure with another woman. Men who cheat are still little boys, just wanting to feel good. They have not matured enough to know the responsibilities of sex and how good it can be when it is happening for love and not infatuation. When men, especially married men cheat, they do not realize how disgusting they start to look in the eyes of their woman. They do not realize how much it will affect them later on as they get older. We do not stay young forever and eventually your bad ways will start to become an embarrassment to you as your children grow up and start asking questions.
What will she say to that child when the child is grown up? Well your daddy donated his sperm.
Bella, I feel your pain and I can sense that you are a no nonsense person. I forgave my Hubs because he confessed, and he really is a good man. I think it is never someones place to say take or don’t take someone back but when a woman’s fed up or it is the last straw…………….Well let us just say he will pay.