Author : cmunroe

In 1988 BMW delivered one its ultimate driving machines – a 318 i which like an exotic dancer, served memorable experiences with a stratospheric 113 bhp and 121 lb.ft of ambitious torque! Lol. Fast forward to 2019, those hp and torque figures could be the opening act, a launching pad for a Kevin Hart-like, excessively hilarious, stand up comedy routine.

Speed-junkies are never satisfied though and at present, the marque – BMW – with its most potent offerings, has multiplied those figures significantly. We have an insatiable appetite for speed, power and performance and as such, we are confined to no box. Ideas which germinate from the need for vicious, exhilarating speed, give birth to machines which would force Thanos to grab the Infinity Stones and cower with absolute fear!


For myriad reasons, we have an umbilical attachment to ‘old school’ machines. Say the words – rear wheel drive – and an inner being awakens, guzzling a case of Red Bull ! At the most recent Drag Rivals, we noticed a particular old school BMW that mastered the art of deception. It was dressed in subtle attire, but, it dispatched death’s final, solemn message, to each opponent it encountered.

The BMW in question reserved a room in the Stealth Hotel. It would slither innocently off the line – a gingerly approach and then like Bruce Banner when triggered, the Hulk within the Bavarian-crafted engine bay would access tyre-shredding capabilities, engage full-thrust, stun its opponent and like a heat-seeking missile, the machine went in search of the finish line. Victory achieved, it would trek idly to its lair.


We went in search of the pilot of the machine. The machine is owned and driven by automotive technician, Fernando Parkins. But, Fernando was not comfortable with his Ultimate Driving Experience. Fernando departed from Bavaria and bought a one-way ticket to Japan!

The machine roasts its tyres with a 2JZ motor, built by Cleve ‘Cutta Hype’ Ottey. A transmission built by Jermaine ‘Bull’ Campbell, ensures that the power provided by the highly inspired and motivated horses, gets to where it matters most – the ground! Nelion Barnett – the tuner – established the rules governing the electrical and mechanical orchestra.

The results confirm that the team that Fernando assembled created a force to be reckoned with. The machine’s best 1320-time to date is 11.2 seconds and it ravaged the 12 seconds class at Drag Rivals 4. Machine!


Is Fernando’s BMW the baddest BMW at Jamwest? Can we call out Mr Palmer? History classes are banned. No lip service. Bring your BMW to Jamwest, November 23-24 and face a real machine!

Cecil Munroe Gleaner On-Line Writer

The opinions on this page do not necessarily reflect the views of The Gleaner.
The Gleaner reserves the right not to publish comments that may be deemed libelous, derogatory or indecent.
To respond to The Gleaner please use the feedback form.

Leave a Reply