Where it went wrong
I’m sick and tired of it! Over the past two years, five couples I know have got a divorce, four of which were very good friends of mine. On Thursday, a friend called me saying he was at his lawyer’s office and was getting divorced after 10 years of marriage. My day suddenly went down hill. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes and I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I felt like a child who was just told that her parents were getting a divorce.
Unlike one of the couples whom I don’t think should have been married in the first place, this union seemed secure. I say that couple shouldn’t have been married because the guy cheated on her before, but she was enarmored with the idea of being married because all her friends were and they were together for quite a while. If the relationship is in trouble, when he proposes you can say no, you don’t have to say yes! Marriage doesn’t change the person, just the woman’s last name.
This one knocked me clear out of the water. I never saw it coming. I’m closer to the guy in this instance and I always thought his wife was such a lucky woman. He always spoke glowingly of her and even on Monday when I saw him, it was just like old times. I had no idea that anything was wrong. He says they are both OK as it was very amicable but I’ve had it!
To all my friends, listen up. Here are the greviances I have with you all
(1) I will have to adjust to a new partner when you bring them around after the divorce.
(2) I went to these beautiful weddings and heard you say how in love and happy you were and now its all gone.
(3) I invested so much time into this in having a happy couple in my life and now its all gone. I hurt too!
(4) Why after 10 years couldn’t you all work it out? Come on, if you survived 10 years without killing each other, you can go 10 more.
(5) Leave marriage alone. If you’re going to invite me to a beautiful ceremony, make sure it works. Or don’t go wasting my time. I’m becoming disillusioned about love and marriage when you all are getting a divorce!
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Marriages have lasted for 10 yrs n more then simply ended, there comes a point in which some persons are stronger than others and others have just had enough. Agreed that the ceremony was a waste of time, the decided to devote their lives to each other, there must be some way to ignite that flame again…its not wasy starting over it must be worth the work.
Very thought provoking post. I can understand the disappointment that you feel when you see your friends’ marriages not working out. I also have had friends whose marriages I thought were on rock solid ground break up. I’ve just learned to accept it when it does happen and offer them moral support where possible.
Let’s hope no children were victim of these divorces; because they should be the greatest cause for concern!
If we seek to mate on the basis of mere ‘hormones’, and not on the basis of sound and enduring social principles, then when the hormones and other stuff ‘goes south’, the union built on shaking ground must come crashing down.
The unfortunate thing is that we would be more concerned for our friends (adults) than for the well being of the children!
The children bear the greatest burden of a divorce!
However, we know that the self-centered so-called parents are too self-absorbed to be concerned about a couples PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY — THE CHILDREN!
Sorry to hear this, sometimes a little separation can actually fix things, sometimes……anyway just be supportive and I hope everything ends well regardless of what it will mean for them.
I must admit I had two divorces. The first one we have a mutual understanding and respect for the decision we come to. One child was involved. We were marriage for 10 years. There was no abuse, no cheating, but it had to do with discipline for the child, sometimes one see things coming and when you do all you can to save it and it doesn’t work the best thing to do is come together in mutual respect in the interest of the child.
The second one was a self serving thing on the other partner’s part. Some how I knew that it would happen one day but I was looking for it to happen when the children were grown, but my partner couldn’t wait.
The divorce created a mes. My partner’s lawyer was milking him for all he could get. Whenever we came to an agreement the lawyer would twist it until on day he and his lawyer gave me something to sign. I read it and realize the lawyer was trying to pull a fast one on me. I refused to sign it, the lawyer lied to my ex-partner. When i refused i was threatened to face the courts. But I knew that they couldn’t take me to court. After about a month I heard that I shouldn’t bother the lawyer will fix it.