DRAG RACING : FULL THROTTLE 5 – THE FINAL LETDOWN? PART 3

Hello 2018! How are you? What do you have planned for us motorsports peeps? Yes, impatient we are. Take your time. We still have unfinished business from 2017. We will rev away with that!

Our tardy arrival did not go unnoticed. Cory’s (Delano Fraser) remark said it all ” Late as usual!” Lol. Unfortunately, we were penalized. As stated in Part 2, we were not allowed to face-time Cinderella’s explosive intervention into the day’s proceedings. When we contact her you will be informed.

At any NDRC event, if nothing is certain – this is – hyper-fast machines will exit their laboratories and the rules which govern speed will be subjected to intense scrutiny with each anti-lag directed assault along the 1320! December 17 did not disappoint in that department. The mutinous machines were programmed to thrill!

From my vantage point, the festive season brought with it tidings of irrational speed. As if trying to grab cash-stuffed gifts which were hurled towards the finish line the machines were engaged in seek and destroy missions. It was a feeding frenzy! For a moment I was disoriented. The matrix was distorted – Shark Week? At Vernamfield? In December?

ONIEL ‘LITTLE T’ HENRY

Oniel ‘Little T’ Henry was in the building. His formidable foe – Squaddie – appeared menacing in his stout SlowBaru (Subaru WRX). On paper it would have been too close to call. But on race-day, after registering, the only paper of significance is the time slip!

GREEN! Little T’s Honda departed like a fan chasing Beyonce! Where was Squaddie? Hapless, helpless ‘Squaddie’ was trapped in the land ruled by mechanical gremlins!

Lincoy’s Evo made an appearance – not sure if he was driving. It was brief – abrupt! Message to ‘Damage’ – A you alone can manhandle the demon dem whe you build!

ROBERT BARKER

If I was a fan of fender-vented exhaust systems that status was revoked at FT 5. My TRACK PASS ensured a privileged position, or so I thought. When Mr. Robert Barker summoned combustion from his machine, it responded positively.

He proceeded to pry the throttle open. The front, fender-vented exhaust stepped into a series of cascading WHOMP WHOMP WHOMP. I was next to the machine. I felt the Category 4 force. I was not amused. LOL. Machine!

On the battlefield, his (Robert Barker) opponent was no ordinary shark though – Father Grandi. Fortunately for Mr Barker, Father Grandi was overwhelmed by ‘gas pedalitis’! Too early on the drugs! Redlight! Mr Barker – 1 Father Grandi – 0.

Did we see ‘Swiffy’ bob, twitch and weave to a 10 seconds pass on a ‘free’ run? That machine is no SlowBaru! Effortless 10 seconds run. Machine!

At FT 4 I sauntered to where Roland Crawford’s machine sat, wounded. Roland, obviously perturbed, was on the phone, with ‘Puffy’ (10 seconds Starlet) trying his utmost to troubleshoot and resolve whatever was responsible for the machines anemic performance. Progress was not a friend, it chose the enemy option. I eventually watched the machine being loaded onto its trailer. The disappointment was tangible.

FT5 saw the same machine. But its wardrobe was significantly improved. It was appropriately attired in tyre-shredding robes! Roland’s burnout was rapidly approaching 8/10. His run after the commendable display was evidently stuffed with seasoned turbocharged speed! A machine to watch in 2018!

Xavia Murray. Is there anything else to be said about the vertically challenged Honda maestro? Actually, yes, there is! Did you hear what he did? Is it true that a conversation was being had at the time by members of the opposing, ‘warring’ faction? What was being said? Lizard?

Cecil Munroe Gleaner On-Line Writer